


Yellow, Black and Blue

by Anonymous



Category: SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-22 08:41:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11963802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: No one is allowed to be rude to Spongebob except him.





	Yellow, Black and Blue

A sad scene was unfolding before his very eyes, and Squidward couldn’t help but watch. In a way, it gave him a sick satisfaction to see Spongebob being the one put through hell by customers for once. A fish had made him deliver the patty to his table personally, before holding the tip well above Spongebob’s head and making him leap for it like a seal doing circus tricks. Squidward snorted at the sight, as the gullible sponge struggled to reach it. Some people just didn’t have any self-respect.

The customer changed gears and then angrily ordered Spongebob to bring him the condiments, and ever the people-pleaser, Spongebob saluted him with an “Aye-aye, sir!” and ran for the ketchup and mustard stand. Squidward’s gaze followed him as he skipped back, bottles in hand.

The man smiled sweetly and told him, “Could you be the one to squirt them on for me?” and lifted the top bun. Spongebob gamely fulfilled his request, leaning over to pour ketchup on the patty.

That’s when the customer slammed Spongebob’s face down on the patty, smearing him all over the plate, and cackled.

“Whoops!” he said obnoxiously. “Looks like you’ve got a little something on your face! Better clean that up!” And with that, he strode out of the restaurant, sniggering.

Spongebob was shaking as he lifted himself up, face covered in mashed patty and condiments dripping off his skin. He wiped traces of it off, looking forlorn. “I guess I finally met someone who was clumsier than me,” he said sadly, looking like he was holding back tears.

At that moment, white hot rage replaced pity and Squidward was out the door.

“Hey! You with the superiority complex!” The customer had just been about to cross the street when he heard Squidward’s voice and froze, turning around.

“You talkin’ to me?”

“Yeah!” He closed the distance between them, grabbing the man by the lapels and slamming him against the restaurant sign post. “What’s your problem, huh? Think you can just go around treating people like dirt? That server did nothing wrong to you!”

The man snorted, face contorting into a twisted smile. “I know! That’s why it was so funny!” 

Squidward, brimming with fury, shook him again. “You think it’s funny to ruin someone’s day for absolutely no reason? That sponge – annoying as he can be – is the only reason this entire god forsaken town hasn’t been razed to the ground by miserable miscreants like you,” and me, he noted. “And I won’t let you be the reason his optimism dies.”

The man looked unperturbed, simply rolling his eyes. “Look, I’m sorry I hurt your boyfriend. Can I go now?”

Squidward glared and held on tighter. The man was trying to seem confident, but rivulets of sweat were running down the sides of his face. His eyes gave away the fear he was trying so hard to suppress. “Lucky for you, Spongebob wouldn’t hurt a fly. He’s a good person.” The man breathed a sigh of relief.

Squidward smirked.

“But I’m not.”

He then proceeded to unleash an unholy combination of karate and jazz moves, two things he happened to know well enough to utilize with dangerous efficiency. The man howled in pain as Squidward tore into him limb from limb, beating him black and blue. He punched the fish in the face in revenge for what he did for Spongebob’s, and then kicked him to the side with a well-placed tentacle right in the spleen.

The man whimpered, trying to crawl away, but Squidward wasn’t done. He walked over and lifted him up by the collar, pressing their foreheads together.

“Do you know who taught me those moves?” He asked, a dangerous edge to his voice. The man trembled and shook his head.

“That sponge did, so you better hope he hasn’t suddenly converted from his pacifist ways, because if he decides to teach you a lesson himself? I’ll be scraping what’s left of you off the pavement.” He threw the fish down and glared. “We better not see you around here ever again.”

The man got up and ran for the hills, screaming all the while. Squidward watched him flee with a satisfied smile.

“…Squidward?”

He stilled, muttered “of course,” turned around and was faced with big blue eyes and astonished expression.

“Spongebob,” he said, now filled with mortification over having been seen doing… That. “I, I was just… You saw the whole thing, didn’t you?”

Spongebob nodded wordlessly, still sporting a look of absolute wonder as he slowly drew closer to Squidward.

“Your eye,” he whispered, touching Squidward’s face. The octopus hissed in response, only then realizing that his left eye was swollen shut. He didn’t even know when that had happened.

“It’s fine!” He protested. “You should be working! If Mr. Krabs catches us both—“ But Spongebob paid no heed to his complaints, already dragging him back into the Krusty Krab and then to the kitchen. Whether he was disturbed to see Squidward beat the living tar out of a customer in his honor, Squidward didn’t find out, because the sponge didn’t mention the incident at all.

He instead made Squidward sit down on a stool and soon came back with a frozen patty.

“I told you, I’m fine—oww!” He yelped as Spongebob pressed the patty against his black eye. The sponge shushed him and held it there until the pain started to ebb away.

“Just trying to help the swelling,” he said cheerfully. “You’re really strong, Squidward.”

Squidward had nothing to say to that, so he pretended he didn’t hear it. The cold patty did nothing to curb the sudden rush of heat to his face.

“And you know,” Spongebob said, in a much quieter voice. “I don’t think you’re a bad person.”

Squidward gaped. And then eventually, he managed a pained smile. They sat like that for a while, not even minding when Mr. Krabs eventually barged in and docked their pay for ‘messing around instead of working’.


End file.
